So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
