one two three fourrrrnication!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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