Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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