Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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