So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
