That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
