mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
