I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
