I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
