atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
