I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
