I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
