Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
