Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
