Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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