let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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