I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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