the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
