those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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