you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you never un-have a 4some
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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