gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
