dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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