Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm bleeding and have questions
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
