sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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