You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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