his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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