And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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