I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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