saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he fucked my hip out of place.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
