Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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