if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
