I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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