Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
