That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
