That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
50% drunk capacity currently
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
