doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
