sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
