do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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