my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
