I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
