i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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