why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
