I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
