You can't motorboat a personality
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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