do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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