so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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