just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
