I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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