i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i dont even know how to be here
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
