Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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