just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
