How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
