I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
